the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
