You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
