At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
