We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize