i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
