You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
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