Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
