okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
