i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
