It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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