google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
