I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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