worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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