I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
