i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
