I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize