She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
