I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
