i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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