i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
did you just send me my own nude
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
