dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
