i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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