You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Randomize
