I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
