I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
