Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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