True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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