he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
