You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
