I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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