Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
