oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Someone stole a lamp last night.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
