I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Randomize
