you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
