oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
