you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
