I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
