9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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