Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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