He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
