4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
