He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
