I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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