She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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