you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
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