i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
