just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
