i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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