Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
