ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
