her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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