he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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