She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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