we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
