I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
