ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
you will always have a special place in my vag
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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