Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
