I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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