this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
