carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
