I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
