I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Never underestimate the power of titties
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
