I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
So much rum. So many feels.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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