he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
