So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
