Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
