It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
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